I have been putting off writing this blog post for about two months now, and I think it's about time I tell you about me cutting off my hair before it gets away from me.
Some of you might not know that I've been natural since 2015. Ever since then, my goal was to have healthy long natural hair. All my life I've aspired to have long hair whether I wore it straight or curly. This was mostly influenced by the society we live in where long hair is seen as beautiful, and you are not as appealing if you have short hair. I saw long hair as beauty for so long, but that thought started to change as I went through my natural hair journey.
When I first went natural, I wore a lot of box braids and sew-ins. Right after I did my first big chop, I got a sew-in right after. I wore sew-ins for six months, so I didn't have to walk around with short hair. I wasn't comfortable with the idea of wearing my hair short then, especially when my boyfriend at the time was so against it.
After those six months, I wore my natural hair out until the weather got freezing. By this time, the crochet technique was big, and I was a huge fan. (I hate getting braids; always have so crochet was a life saver. It's the only way I wear weave now.) I wore weave until the weather got warm again. September of 2017, I tried to wear crochet braids again. That lasted a week. After wearing my natural hair for so long, I hated how weave felt on my head (probably due to the chemicals.) It was always itchy, and I couldn't stand having it in for longer than a week. That's been the case with all weave I've worn since then. I've made several attempts, and they've all been huge failures. I gave up wearing braids and sew-ins completely. Nothing could compare to wearing my natural hair out.
By the summer of 2018, my hair had reached down to my breasts; the longest my hair has ever been. This was also my summer of exploration with different hair products. I was into wash n go's, and I did them all summer. Doing my hair for hours every week was becoming tedious, and I hated it. I'm a lazy natural, and that process was not for me at all. My hair was growing harder to manage the longer it got. Keeping my hair detangled was frustrating. I got to the point where I was exhausted with my hair and wore it up all the time because I didn't want to deal with it.
I broke up with my boyfriend in early August, so I definitely wasn't doing my hair through that process; didn't touch it in like a month. Even when I got out of my funk, I still couldn't find the joy I used to have in doing my hair. I hated my hair at that point.
Fast forward to October. Note that for years I've had the urge to cut my hair again and rock it short, but never did because of fear and my boyfriend at the time. I had that same urge to cut my hair that night. It only takes one thought with me, and my current boyfriend said something that put the idea in my head. I don't know why I was so compelled to cut my hair this time. Maybe it was the glass of wine I had in my system. I don't know. I just remember grabbing my scissors and standing in the mirror. I cut the first piece of hair, and then I knew there was no going back.
I immediately regretted what I had done and regretted it more the next day. The following month was filled with shock and so many other different emotions hitting me at once. I didn't know what to do with my hair. This was a significant change for me. All my life, length was everything, and without it, I felt ugly. I felt like no one would approve of my hair. October was a rollercoaster of emotions. One minute, I could love my hair and the next I was crying over it. The smallest thing tipped me over the edge and thank god my boyfriend was there to help me back up. He was supportive and still is.
The first month was only hard because I wasn't used to having short hair. The last time my hair was this short was when I was a baby. My hair wasn't even this short when I did my first big chop, and I never got to experience wearing my hair out this way either.
By the end of the first month, I found a way to style my hair, and I was finally used to it. Now I don't think twice about wearing my hair out even though it's starting to get cold. I love my TWA (teeny weeny afro), and I feel it's a better fit for my "lazy natural" lifestyle.